So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
