every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
