That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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