A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have demons in me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
