So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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