things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
