I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
