Sry I called you an 8
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
