So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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