we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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