lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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