We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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