Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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