He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize