Sponge bath it is.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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