Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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