I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
