I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
