well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize