Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
