My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
