Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
