ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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