so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
