i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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