Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
