Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
