I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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