I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
