The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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