it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
