Whoa Z and x make the same sound
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
