I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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