what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
