i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
vagina is talking i cant
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
