He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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