Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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