Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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