Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bring me that man meat
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
