So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
