Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
