More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
