Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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