Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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