saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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