i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
