she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
