My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
