Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize