I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
