I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
