life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
