he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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