what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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