ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
