Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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