Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
