Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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