I feel like abortions should bother me more
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
