I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
