Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
