did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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