I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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