I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
