I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this just has baby written all over it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
