MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
