im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
