Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
