at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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