i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
