So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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