How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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