Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
