I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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