He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
