There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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