I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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