p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She bit a glass in half.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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