When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize