dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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