Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
