it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
