Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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