im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize